The Very Gay Adventures of Dick Roman and Samandriel
by blackrabbitkani
Summary: This is not so much a crack fic, more like an LSD fic. Our most adorable angel and our least adorable leviathan fall in love and go on adventures! Involves eyesex, explosions, mermaids and more.
1. The Chapter In Which They Meet

**Authors note**

**Ah yes, hello. This is a fanfiction that I have written, and is _interesting_ to say the least. This is what happens when you discover a ship while extremely hyper. I hope the world will enjoy... this... _thing_.**

**I do not own Supernatural or any of these characters. **

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Chip. Chop. Chip. Chop. Samandriel the angel of adorbs chip chopped the wieners, as he did every day of his life. He didn't know why he did this as he was an angel and only his vessel, Alfie, worked at Weiner Hut before his current job as a sack of potatoes. I guess it was something to do. It was just an ordinary day, of an ordinary week, of an ordinary month, of an ordinary year, of an ordinary decade, of an ordinary century, of an ordinary eternity. Well that was a lie. Today he found a spider in the hot dogs, which was FAR from ordinary. Anyway, it was then that he heard the seductive purr of an engine. A sexy black car with tinted windows crawled salaciously along the tarmac. Then several dudes and ladies came out. One in particular caught his eye….

Nom. Om. Nom. Om. Dick Roman the leviathan equivalent of Mitt Romney omnommed the enemy, as he did every day of his life. He knew exactly why he did this, as to win you gotta be a sherk, and a sherks gotta eat. I guess technically everything had to eat but ah well. It was then he was tired of nommaging the good guys and wanted some hot dogs. So he got his entourage in the shark-mobile as he liked to call it and went to Weiner Hut. As he walked in a certain employee caught his eye….

Their eyes met, and millions of fireworks went off at once. Dancing lights and men in tights gleamed around the dirty shop. A random baby died in the background but none of that mattered. All that mattered was them. The Leviathan and the Angel had vigorous eyesex before approaching one another.

'Oh my dad,' Samandriel gasped 'Who is that salacious man?' His boss turned around.

'ALFEEEEYYYYY' he yelled 'DIDYA PUT YA NAME IN THE GOBLEt OF FIYEERRRR?!' Samandriel wasn't paying attention. He strode towards the suited fellow with a mission in mind. A sexy mission.

Dick stalked towards the hatted man and they stood opposite one another. Dick caressed the angels face slowly and seductively then leaned in… as their lips met rainbows spurted out from the lungs of nearby people and unicorn erupted from the depths of heellllll.

'I love you,' he looked down at his name tag, 'Alfie'.

'That's not my name'

'I don't care' They smooched again. Susan the leviathan stepped forward.

'Sir.' Dick turned his head.

'Susan, kind of busy here' she opened up a black briefcase and brought out a sheet of paper. She then proceeded to list is New Years Resolutions.

'Lose weight, write a book, take over the world, win a Nobel Prise, and NEVER kiss on the mouth.'

Dick stared down at the floor in shock. To think, he had broken one of society's most coveted laws. Samandriel put a hand on his shoulder. They gazed lovingly into each overs eyes.

'My love, its ok, as long as we're together nothing, not even New Years Resolutions, can keep us apart.' He gasped. 'For shame! I do not even know your name!'

Dick smiled through the tears. A smile full of love, and hope.

'I'm Dick' He said. Suddenly a bearded Frenchman in a blue uniform materialised.

'AND I'M JAVERT' He yell-sang, then subsequently dived off a nearby bridge. Samandriel leaned in close to his slimy soul mate. 'My name is Samandriel.' Dick cocked his head. 'But your name tag sa-'The angel cut him off with a kiss. More explosions. More confetti. More parades. Then, they began to float from the ground, magical sparkles swirled around them. A woman gave birth to an octopus. Fairies spontaneously combusted. Hitler shot himself. They looked at each over and with a glance, they decided. Decided to run away together! But not on land, as the leviathan would catch them. Not in air, as then the angels would. That left one thing. They held each overs hand, and then jumped down a nearby sink, headed into the water system.

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**Ah here we are. The end of the chapter. Hopefully that wasn't _too_ strange for you and some may have even _liked it_! *gasps*. Well stick around for the next if you want (it involves mermaids)**


	2. The Chapter Where Mermaids Happen

**Authors note**

**Ah well here it is ladies and gents. The second chapter. Yay. As before I do not own anything apart from things I do, in fact, own. These are things like; My hair, a bed, a luminous green armband and four slaves all called Pete. Enjoy~**

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Water, water, everywhere. They glubbed round and around for what seemed like ages. Then, evolution took hold. Dick's legs glued togther, becoming sleeker, scalier. Samandriel did the same, and grew gills! Together, with the power of love and magic mushrooms, they had become MERMAIDS. (I don't care about them being men. They're mermaids if I say they are) They swam through the glistening waters, and assortment of colourful fishies wiggled alongside them. The school of rainbow coloured scaly swimmy things began a sort of syncronised swimming around the couple, twirling around them in perfect circles before shaping into a love heart framing the mermaids.

Dick turned towards Samandriel, taking his hands in his own. Together they looked towards the camera as flower crowns descended on to their heads, before looking back at one another and kissing. Dick pulled the mer-angel towards him, their tails floating around each other in a fabulous magical dance of homosexuality.

The fishies has dispersed and returned to doing fishy things like swimming and feasting on crab souls, leaving the two alone in the ocean. The water enveloped them as they pressed against one another. Suddenly Samandriel pulled away. 'Whoah there er, Dick was it? At least buy me dinner first!' Dick jiggled his eyebrows.

'Ugh. So traditional.' He sighed.

'Well I'm a classy Angel.' Samandriel folded his arms 'I'm just not that sort of person.'

Dick began to roll his eyes, then caught himself.

'Wait, angel?'

'Uhuuuhh' The hatted boy look uneasy. 'Is that gunna be a problem?'

Dick shook his head. 'N-no. No! Of course not. I mean, its just a bit awkward yea?'

Samandriel tilted his head. 'Huh? Why?'

'Well with me being big daddy leviathan and all...'

'Wait you're a leviathan?! We really need to work on our communication skills huh.' Dick grimaced, then reached out his hand. He wiggled his fingers a bit before grinning that famous toothy smile.

'Anyway, shall we go to dinner?'

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**Huzzah! So guys, mermaids. Next chapter will be up when I write it. Reviews are welcome, and so are suggestions! Please tell me some things you want to see in the next chapter and I shall try to include them.**


	3. The Chapter That Has Song Lyrics

**A/N: I shouldn't have done this at night. School starts tomorrow. Ah well, I'm normally as tired as a daisy in a sweatshop at school so why start out any different eh? Anyhow, this chapter our couple is on a date. And speaking in altered song lyrics. Ooh, lets make this a game! Try and name all the songs and the musical/artist in a review! Fun!**

The restaurant they had chosen to consume food and drinks at was a fancy place in Dutchland called Orenjeeeeee. Dicky was the first to drive. He was wearing a suit jacket that had been taiolored by foot. He also wore a tie embroidered with 126 sharks of different flavors. There were hammerheads, screwdriverfoots, brilliant-hispanics, nados and others.

Suddenly the lightning changed. The intro of 'This is Not Me' from the hit film, Camp Blues began to doo wop in the background. Some bro who was holding his breath passed out into his miso soup. Then, Samandriel emerged.

He swooshed towards the leviathan, wearing a bedazzled Weiner Hut hat, sequined budgie-smugglers and a pair of strap on fairy wings. Dick threw his bread roll out the window.

'Never too pressed for a dramatic-o entrance!.' He exclaimed as the angle of the Lord sat his butt down.

'Raise your glass' Samandriel gestured to the wine on the table. Dick inspected it, then frowned.

'Iiiitttt is just teeeeeen yeeeaaaaars ooooollllddd. TEEEEEEN YEEEAAAARS OOOOOOOOLD!' He sang. As they ate their meals, which consisted with a single green pea, a chicken nugget and a random leaf,they looked around the restaurant.

'Heeeeey, heeey baby!' Dick pointed to a couple dining. It was a gurl in a suit and a boy in dress.

'By the light of the moon! We have found the sunrise in the form of some cancerous adolescents.' The fluffy winged retorted. Slimy gooey man fuzzled his earlobes.

'How does you knoooooow?'

'I'm an Angel. With a shotgun' he pulled up his impressive weapon to show the bae. Dick gave him a seductive glance. Samandriel blushed.

Dick leaned in toward him

'I'm going in for the kill.' He mooshed his lips together and planted one right on his face. Samandriel gasped.

'What kind of man, what kind of leviathan is he?' He thought to himself.

'You're a fast machine Samandriel. You're the best damn angel that I ever did see.' Dick caressed his face before they skipped away into the distance.


End file.
